Friday, February 26, 2010


In the alley of darkness and shadows I walk,
Into a bottomless abyss is where I fall,
I scrape my soul as I slowly crawl,
Out of the depth of this blackhole.
The shelf-life of my being was cut to half,
Into the bright light I did not walk,
The way I was living, I did not want,
The kind that was filled with thunderstorm,
Choked with emotions, I couldn't breathe,
Ran out of air, I couldn't speak,
Thumps of my heart were agonizing beats,
Nothingness was my safe retreat.
The only difference between living and dead,
Is I lost my body and nothing else,
Blind, I still see... dead and I still breathe,
Numb, I still feel... for me everything is still real,
When I cried, no one wiped away my invisible tears,
Though I tried, I couldn't fight away all of my fears,
I have been fighting with me all of these years,
Now the deafening silence of the stillness is all I hear.
I hurt so deep yet there is no pain,
I have been bleeding for so long from within,
The rip in my heart was like a phantom limb,
Shearing pain of a nonexistent being,
To fly free from this ache, from this life I had to run,
I trip, I stumble, into myself I drowned,
My escape from myself, from everything and everyone,
I didn't know what else to do, except for what I had done,
Like a fallen angel, my soul cursed with my sins,
I hope one day HE would take me with him,
From the grey clouds I rise to the darker skies above,
Now all I see is black, the kind of black no one deserves.

*Even though I walk through valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

(credit goes to "slipperythoughts" for having written BLACK and for being my inspiration....)

Sunday, February 21, 2010

India 298, South Africa- all out

India vs South Africa.....
I come home and see him sitting without a shirt, happy with the match so far.
I think, "Hmmm....nice body...".
South Africa starts scoring like crazy....
He says, "You step into the house and India is on the verge of losing... you r jinxed".
I said, "Do you want me to stand outside or you wanna cross your fingers?"
He crossed his fingers and so did I.
Praveen Kumar steps in....
"Is it a 4 or a 3....?"
He says, "I should be there on the field. You know... I should have been..."
Yeah... you and every indian man I know.

(There was this moment there, I was wondering what would happen when a blog junkie marries a cricket junkie. One plastered onto the computer screen and the other onto the tv screen. )

India wins.... South Africa.... ALL OUT!

He yells!!!! I scream!!!!  INDIA WON!!!
In my head I say, instead of paying 1 K to watch these matches on tv, I am gonna take a flight to India for one live experience of IPL.
It's gonna be one hell of an experience.. :-)

Saturday, February 20, 2010

There's a stranger behind my reflection in the mirror.....

Suddenly you realize, a stranger is your everything, and with him with you, your can conquer anything. There is a storm of sms's. Your heart does a tango everytime his names flashes on your screen. You move away from your group of friends to answer his call b'coz you don't want the mushiness to embarrass you and you certainly want to flirt in private. There are flowers on every occasion, chocolates at appropriate times, "I love you'" and "I miss you" are the most used phrases of the day. You are allowed to be fashionably late, and his "you're late!!!" is said with tongue in cheek and a smile on his handsome face. All your thoughts revolve around him and you try to make time for other things, which includes your weighty 20 kg books.

The late night bike rides (slow rides, lest the wind will carry your words away) are filled with jests and jokes. There is too much to say, too much of thoughts to transfer and never enough time. You share all, important and miniscule matters. Your success and failures, how you scraped your knee in 10th grade, your first crush, why you worry abour your brother, why you fought with your mum, how you miss your dog. All the tiny details, he has to know. Because you want him to know you. What made and makes you ".you". And when he talks, you not only hear but listen to him. Because "he", you want to "know". The papercut on your index finger is his biggest concern and he remembers it the day after even if you have forgotten. Cooking together is a fun event, shopping was a chance to hold hands. You bake a cake with icing that is so ugly, yet he says, "But it taste so good. Seriously!". When he whips up something in your kitchen and waits like a pup for approval, you state the obvious, "Excellant. Unbelievable!".

Days turn into nights, hot summer nights give way to winter & rain, you live through your exams and mood swings, you slowly move away from your girlish dreams. And the pink screen that you see the world through fades away. The flowers don't come so frequently, the number of fights increases in frequency, some dates are forgotten, cooking becomes a burden. You eat in front of the tv, the conversations are short otherwise barely, drives to work is accompanied by absolute silence from both, with the morning Dj cracking silly jokes. The only friends you have are the ones whom you occasionally chat with on the net. You are on your feet at work the entire day, so many things require your attention there, there are bills to pay and you forget the bread and milk on your way. Falling into a crazy routine, you attempt to make room for him. To your "splitting headache", he says have an aspirin, when you delay he says, "you're late...", he bacomes grim. Your jokes revolve around work, and somewhere between the lines of the scanty conversations, you hope there is still love.

When he starts about his promiscuous friend, you know how is "You won't believe what Rahul......" is going to end. He finishes most of your sentences or else he responds with a "hhmmmm...". When you hit the bed in exhaustion, all you look forward to is some comforting hugging and none of the passionate kissing. The butterflies have flown away to someone else's stomach, maybe a girl's who sees the world through a screen that's pink and her heart flip flops with ectopic beats.

Then, you realize a truth that has been staring at you all along. What you thought love was, wasn't it. What you have now is complex, yet it's simple... it's nothing but a crochet of responsibilities, care, honesty and loyalty made out of a single thread of love.  You don't mind the infrequent flowers because this is a matured silent love that he showers. The "silence" is a verb, an understanding deed, when he knows a wordless comforting time is in need. You wake up everyday, and you make a choice to stay. You make a choice to be with each other, to commit to one another, to commit to this new life you've bulit together. This is where you find your unconditional security. You face your problems and you face your fears, because there is that pair of hands on your back, should you fall. Suddenly you realize that he who was a stranger is now your everything and with him with you, you can conquer anything.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010


I have to stop blogging, blog-rolling, blog-following, post-commenting, everything "blog".
How do I recover fr this blogaddiction.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

what do you tell.....?

What do you tell a man who loves you inspite all your flaws,
Who loves you no matter what you do or say,
What do you tell a man who never says no to you,
Regardless of how ridiculous your requests and wants may be,
What do you tell a man who quits his job, uproots himself from everything that he ever knew,
And flies thousands of miles into an unknown future just to be with you.
What do you tell a man who loves your family and prays for your family,
A family that had rejected him time and again.
What do you tell a man who would rather hurt himself than hurt you,
Because he thinks he is tougher and can handle it, but never lets you know how much he's hurting.
What do you tell a man who spends all his hard earned money on a trip to see you,
To console you, coz you are depressed at your work.
What do you tell a man who has only one answer to explain all his crazy actions,
And to him it is very simple, "coz I love her..".
You wanna know what you tell such a man?
You say thank you.
You say, baby, for all that you have given me, and for all that is to come in the future..... thank you.
No promises of  "no more fights", "no more arguments", "no more hurting each other"...... our future is gonna be full of fights, mostly b'coz of me, lotsa up's n down's. But I promise you it will be an adventure, and thank you for being a part of it all.
Happy V day.

Monday, February 8, 2010

For d kid who had to.... "go stand out..." ;-)

I scrolled thru all the comments,
Expecting nothin special in its content,
But somethin new and cute (?) was sent,
I had no idea what was her intent.

I wondered if she was mocking me,
Or were there hidden compliments tht I cudn't see,
Either way, I decided to reply back with glee,
To the one who took time to ridicule me.

I write things dark, sometimes I write em bright,
Most are crappy stuff tht I scribble at nite,
Then I read her writings, n I ask why do I even try,
I paled in comparison, she's so much more than just "alrite".

Her words made me smile, sum made me sigh,
She was a the writer, everythin of her's I liked,
Outta curiosity, I checked out her profile,
SHE is a HE.... "a talented male??!!!", loudly I cried.....

Thursday, February 4, 2010

If these walls could talk....

If these walls could talk,
What would they say,
Would they keep all our secrets,
Or would they give them all away.

Would they have seen me next to you,
Watching you till the break of dawn,
Seeing you smile in you sleep,
Or a bad dream that makes you frown.

Would they remember the day you left me,
Would they know how my heart was almost torn,
Do they know what I pretended not to,
That someday soon you'd be gone.

If these walls could hear,
Would they have heard me beggin' you to stay,
Helped me keep those doors closed,
Would they have stopped you from slipping away.

If these walls could talk,
They would tell me not to cry,
They'd tell me to be alright,
They would surely help me hide.

If these doors could talk,
They'd tell me I'm lonely but not alone,
I know within these four walls,I'm by myself,,
But sometime I feel I'm not on my own.

If these walls could walk,
They will close up on me and let me fly,
When they hear me cry at night,
And they will know that I have finally lost this fight.

These walls are shaking from all of our mistakes,
I can still hear your slamming of the door on my face,
But baby, I have no regrets as I crumble in this place,
This house we built, this home that we had once made.